


Comfort

by Blueskydancers



Series: Secrets and Consequences [8]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3624693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers/pseuds/Blueskydancers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working undercover is hard but having someone in your life who understands can be the greatest comfort</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfort

**April 1982**

The sound of the shower running woke Sean. He rolled over and saw the light from the bathroom reflected through the opened bedroom door. He sighed; it had become a regular occurrence over the past couple of weeks, with Lan coming home from God knew where in the early hours, showering and then crawling into bed next to him absolutely exhausted. Most nights he’d been asleep almost immediately.

Sean knew from personal experience that working undercover was tough. The constant risk of exposure left you living on your nerves, and trying to maintain a new persona - usually nothing like your own - left you flailing helplessly trying to understand who you were supposed to be.

Lan was working on an important drugs case, and from the few hints he’d dropped, Sean knew it was a nasty one. The players were all heavyweights in the business, and Lan was treading a very narrow line between gathering the evidence needed to nick them and getting too deeply involved in the shit himself.

The bathroom door opened and the hallway was bathed in a sudden splash of light causing Sean to close his eyes against the glare. Sean heard the click as the bathroom light was switched off. Rolling onto his back, he waited. Presently he heard furtive steps in the bedroom; the duvet was pulled back a little and then the bed dipped as Lan got in and allowed the covers to drop back into place. Sean lay there in silence. 

On previous nights, when he’d come to bed, Lan had snuggled up close and fallen asleep almost immediately. But tonight was different. Sean could feel the tension that radiated across the gap between them without needing to touch him. It screamed into Sean’s awareness, leaving him feeling sick at heart.

Inching closer, Sean reached out. When their hands touched, Lan grabbed on, holding tightly; almost in desperation. Hoping that he was doing the right thing, Sean slowly moved closer. His first impression, when he was able to draw Lan into his arms, was the warmth of his skin was from the shower and the scent of soap and shampoo.

Even though Lan's head was pillowed on Sean’s chest, he was still tense. Gently, Sean began to stroke his back, running his hand softly from neck to the gentle swell of his backside. Over and over Sean continued, letting the constant movement soothe. By the time Lan let out a half sob and buried his face against his neck, Sean was almost at his wits' end to know what else he could do. 

Keeping his movements slow he pulled Lan even closer, continuing the slow stroking and beginning to offer soft words of comfort. If asked, Sean wouldn’t have been able to remember a single word he said, but the words weren’t the important thing; it was the sound of his voice that would help to ground Lan and pull him back from the awful place he now occupied. When Lan began to shudder and shake with tears Sean could do nothing except provide a safe haven, in his arms, until the storm abated and Lan drifted off into a restless sleep.

He’d slept fitfully for maybe thirty minutes, just enough time for Sean to be on the verge of dropping off himself, when, with a cry, he bolted upright. Lan must have realised almost at once where he was, because he lay back down, leaving a definite distance between them. Vowing not to let him stew over things, Sean pulled Lan back into his arms, despite his reluctance, letting him rest once more against his chest. “You want to talk about it?”

Lan shook his head, “Not really.”

“That bad?”

Lan sighed, “Worse than you can possibly imagine.”

“How long till you can nick them?”

“I’ve been promised tomorrow, but I had to threaten to pull out of the investigation to get that. They’re so concerned with making sure that they can land some big fish that they’re forgetting there are victims who are suffering through every extra second they delay.” 

It was as though a dam had broken because Lan had said more about the case in the last two minutes than he’d done in the last two weeks. 

“You think they’ve got enough to make charges stick?” Sean asked.

“I’m sure. I don’t know what the bastards upstairs are waiting for.”

“Okay.”

They lay in silence for some time, and then Lan said, “There are kids involved, Sean.”

“Shit!” 

“Yeah shit’s about right. Jesus, Sean, I’ve heard about things happening that are going to give me nightmares for months,” he said softly.

“I’m sorry I can’t help,” Sean whispered.

“You are, more than you know. You’re here, holding me, letting me know that there’s still love in the world. That helps me cope.” Tilting his head slightly, Lan placed a single kiss over Sean’s heart. 

Threading his fingers through Lan’s still damp hair, Sean tugged gently until Lan moved upwards so that their mouths could meet. The kiss was soft and gentle and Sean had no intention of it leading to anything further. He just hoped it would help to show Lan how much he cared.

As nothing much had happened between them in the past two weeks, even though they’d shared a bed, Sean hadn’t expected the kiss to be any more than a comforting gesture, but Lan obviously had other plans. Resting his weight fully on Sean, Lan began to explore Sean’s mouth with a tongue that tasted of toothpaste and mouthwash. Deciding that he would let Lan dictate the pace, Sean lay back and let him do whatever he wanted.

When they finally broke apart to breathe, Sean said, “Are you sure about this?”

In the reflected street light filtering through the curtains, Lan looked like a kicked puppy. “Don’t you want me?”

“Oh babe, of course I do; I just want to make sure you’re not doing it just to please me.”

Using one hand to prop himself up against Sean’s chest, Lan said, “I prepped myself in the bathroom because I want you inside me again more than anything.”

Knowing that Lan wouldn’t lie about something like that, Sean rolled him onto his back. Using a hand for guidance he slid inside him slowly, relishing the sensation of being as close as possible to his lover again. Leaning down he kissed Lan, saying, “Good. So don’t ever doubt how much I fucking need you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following morning, Sean woke with a start when the alarm went off, and he thumped his hand down on the offending clock, hoping that he would be able to turn it off before it woke Lan. But instead of silencing the bloody thing, the thump made it tumble off the bedside table and onto the floor where it continued to ring, tormenting him.

Cursing under his breath, he rolled out of bed and managed to find the little shit and switch it off. Stretching, he ran a hand over his chin and decided that he couldn't get away without shaving today. Looking over to the bed, he saw that Lan was awake. 

“Sorry, didn't mean for you to have to wake so early.”

Lan sat up and yawned, “It's okay. Anyway, it's a special day today and I wanted to see you before you left.”

It took a moment or two for Sean to realise what Lan was talking about. Then the penny dropped. “Oh yeah; it's me birthday.”

“Well then you're wearing the right thing,” Lan nodded, letting his eyes drift approvingly over Sean's naked body. “Come back to bed for a couple of minutes.”

It took Sean no time at all to decide that he didn't care if he was going to be a bit late if he got the chance to snuggle for a minute or two.

As soon as he was settled with Lan draped over him, he heard, “So you're still planning to go out with the lads for a beer tonight?”

“Yeah, we’re going to be in the Queen Victoria from about six thirty. You going to be able to get there at all?”

Lan leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sean's chest, “Might be a bit late but I think so. One of the reasons I'm hoping that they nick those bastards tonight is so that I can come.”

Looking at the clock, Sean sighed. Harry would be there to collect him in less than an hour and he really needed to shower away the smell of sex and get some coffee inside himself before then. Since he and Lan had moved in together, Sean had always tried to make sure he was well ready before his driver arrived. He didn't want to have to let Harry inside the house to wait for him and raise any suspicion about his and Lan's living arrangements. 

He rolled Lan over onto his back and leaned down to give him a proper kiss before pulling away. “It's no good; I've got to get ready. Why don't you try to get some more sleep?”

“I'll try, but it's not a problem. If it all goes according to plan, I can get a good lay in tomorrow and maybe I'll sleep easier knowing those scroats are behind bars, where they should be.”

Hating to leave his lover, Sean forced himself out of bed. “Maybe I'll try to get the day off tomorrow; we could do something.”

“Apart from fuck you mean?” Lan laughed.

Sean pretended to consider the options, “Well now that you mention it...”

When Sean came back from the shower to collect his clothes for the day, Lan had drifted back to sleep. Moving as quietly as possible, he grabbed his clothes so he could get dressed in the spare room. Half an hour later, he let himself out of the front door to enjoy the fine April morning as he waited for his driver.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At ten thirty that evening, Sean was propped against the bar of the Queen Victoria, a beer in hand. There were still around twenty of the squad in the pub celebrating his birthday, but the one person he'd hoped would get there hadn't shown yet. What was worrying him most was that Lan had phoned around sixish and said that the arrests were definitely going to happen today and that it should all be over by eight at the latest.

Sean looked at his watch again; it was almost closing time and still no sign. Maybe it had taken a bit longer to track them all down and Lan was needed to help ID the main players.

When last orders were called, it was with huge feelings of disquiet that he let Harry drive him home. He really hoped that Lan was simply exhausted by the events of the day and had gone home and would be waiting for him there. He sobered up somewhat when Harry pulled up outside the house and there were no lights showing. Bollocks! Lan wouldn’t have gone to bed until he got home; of that he was certain. 

Trying to act normally and hoping that Harry wouldn't notice his worry he said, “Thanks, mate. Had a great time tonight; thanks for organising it.”

“No problem, guv. Shame young Lando couldn't make it – he said he'd try to get there.”

“Yeah, well he's working on something big at the moment; not that he tells me much about what he's doing.”

“Okay. You want me to come a bit later in the morning?” 

Sean was so worried about Lan that he didn’t really register what might lie behind Harry’s suggestion. “Yeah, that'd be good, Harry. Say around half nine?”

His tension building as he walked up the path, Sean unlocked the door and went inside. Deciding that he wouldn’t be able to sleep until Lan got home, Sean walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. He turned on the light, and the first thing he saw was an envelope propped up against the sauce bottle sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. Recognising Lan's scribble on the envelope, he opened it and pulled out the card inside. 

The card was one of those that was printed the wrong way around so that you couldn’t open it properly and then had comments about old people getting easily confused on it, which Sean should have expected. Not that he was that much older than Lan, but it was one of the things he teased him about a lot of the time. 

The surprise though, was the tickets that were also in the envelope. Looking more closely, Sean saw that they were air tickets to Mykonos with a hotel booking for two weeks in June. He wasn’t exactly sure where Mykonos was - apart from being an island off Greece - but now remembered Lan mentioning that he was thinking of taking a couple of weeks off in June and asking if Sean would be able to get some time off too. 

Sean realised then that if Lan had made it to the pub, they would have been together when he opened the envelope so he quickly put everything back inside. Fortunately, Lan hadn’t stuck the flap down so he could close it and prop it back up against the sauce bottle and pretend that he hadn’t seen it. He’d open it again and act surprised when Lan got home.

Sean found himself smiling stupidly, despite his worries, while he poured the boiling water onto the instant coffee in the mug. The furthest away from England he’d been was a trip to Benidorm when he was in his early twenties, but the idea of going away with Lan for two whole weeks somewhere warm and sunny with lots of beer was very appealing. The sneaky bugger had played the whole thing close to his chest because Sean hadn’t got a whisper of anything going on. He supposed that was what happened when you were involved with a bloody good copper who knew how to work undercover.

Undercover! His worry came back full force. Sean looked at his watch again; nearly half past eleven and still no sign. Putting his coffee down on the low table in the living room, he headed upstairs to change. When he came back down in faded jeans and an old t-shirt he was feeling more comfortable in his body, but his mind was beginning to work overtime. It was unlike Lan not to let him know if he was going to be this late, especially when what he was involved in was so risky.

Being in the job himself should have been reassuring, but he knew how easily things could turn into a fucking tragedy. All it needed was some half witted piece of shit to pull a weapon and all hell could break loose. A moment’s inattention and anything could happen. In those circumstances it was usually the good men - the ones who put their job and their mates before their own safety - who got hurt.

Taking a deep breath, Sean made himself calm down. If something had happened, Sonja would have been on the phone already. Needing something to take his mind off the waiting, he turned on the TV. Slouching down on the sofa, he started to drink his coffee as the late news came on. 

The first headline reported that a police officer had been wounded during an operation to arrest several powerful figures in the drugs world. His attention suddenly riveted on the small screen, Sean shot bolt upright, spilling the remainder of his coffee all over his leg and the sofa, but he didn’t even notice. The report continued and his heart began to pound even harder as the facts emerged. Twelve members of a drugs ring had been arrested earlier that evening; a number had produced weapons and tried to evade capture, and in the process, a member of the Drugs Squad had been shot and was now in a critical condition in the Royal London Hospital. 

The grainy footage of police cars with blue lights flashing was replaced by the face of the news reader, and Sean heard with dread that there was an update on the story and that the injured officer had now died from wounds received. His name was being withheld until his family were informed.

Heart almost thumping out of his chest, Sean tried to figure out who he could call for information. Right now he was way past worrying how it would appear. He got up and paced the length of the room. What could he do? Who did he know in Drugs who would tell him what the fuck was going on? Running up the stairs to the bedroom, he searched around for his old notebook. He knew he had some contact numbers in there. As he careered through the bedroom door, his attention was snagged by the neatly made bed. Lan must have changed the sheets before he went out, and the irrational thought nagged at Sean that if anything had happened to Lan he wouldn’t even have his scent in their bed to remember him. 

He forced the idea to the back of his mind; after all it could have been any of the men on the raid who had been hurt. Sean raced back down the stairs and into the kitchen; switching on the light, he threw the small black leather folder down on the table. Sitting down, he began to read through the pages at the back. 

At last he found the name: Danny Phillips. Sean had known him years ago, and he had moved into Drugs a couple of months before the whole Brian O’Donnell incident. He and Sean had got on well during his time in the Squad so, if he knew anything, he would surely tell Sean. It would be typical of Sean’s luck that he was working on something entirely different.

Taking a deep breath, Sean picked up the phone handset and dialled the number, waiting impatiently as the line clicked and beeped while he was waiting to be connected. The number started to ring and Sean waited, his body screaming with tension, which increased with each ring that went unanswered.

Finally a bleary voice said, “Hello?”

Sean gasped, “Danny, it’s me, Sean Bean.”

“Guv? It’s bloody half past midnight. Why’re you phoning me now?”

“Sorry, mate. It’s that I’ve just heard that one of your guys has been shot during an arrest this evening and I wondered if you could find out anything about it for me. Only my last DS, Lando Bloom, moved over to drugs a while back, and a group of us were due to meet up with him at the pub for a drink tonight, but he didn’t show.”

“He could have been held up.” Phillips sounded a bit put out, and Sean couldn’t blame him.

“Yeah, I know.” Sean pushed his hand through his hair and wondered if pulling it out in handfuls would take his mind off the pain in his heart. “He mentioned that he was working on something that should be finished today and that there were going to be arrests. So when I heard the news, I thought the worst. He’s a good bloke and I want to make sure he’s okay.”

“I wasn’t involved in that job, but I suppose I could make a couple of calls; see what I can find out.”

“If you could, Danny, I'd owe you big time.”

“Okay give me a minute to get a pad and then give me your number. I’ll call when I find out anything.”

“Thanks, mate, I appreciate it.”

“Okay. Look, Sean, I can understand you’re concerned for a friend, but don’t phone any more tonight; you’ve already woken my missus. If she’s disturbed any more she’ll have my balls.”

Sean put the phone down and waited.

An hour later, he was pacing; at the same time staring at the phone and willing it to ring. It was a bloody miracle he hadn't worn a hole in the fucking carpet.

Another hour and two more mugs of coffee and he was desperate for a piss, but was scared to go to the bathroom in case he missed the call. Eventually he couldn’t wait any longer and had to dive upstairs. He was back down so quickly it had been a toss up between falling down the stairs and trapping his cock in his fly.

Another twenty minutes, which seemed like two hours, passed before the phone finally rang. Leaping to his feet, he grabbed it. “Bean!”

“Sean, it’s Danny.”

“Yes. What did you find out?”

“It’s not Lando who was shot. It was a DC, Colin Hughes, not sure if you know him; he came from Regional.”

Sean thought for a moment or two, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “No sorry; I don’t know him.”

“I couldn’t find out anything about where Lando is, so I left messages.”

Sean legs almost gave way beneath him, so he sat down onto the hard kitchen chair. “Thanks, Danny. I owe you.”

“No problem, I'll collect sometime soon. Look, Sean, I need to get back to bed; I’m back on duty in the morning.”

Relieved, Sean rested his head on the kitchen table and though he didn’t intend to, it wasn’t long before his eyelids drooped and he began to doze.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of a key in the front door woke him and he realised that he must have been asleep for some time as the sky through the kitchen window was already light. Striding out into the living room, he waited for Lan, vibrating on the spot.

Unsure if he wanted to kiss him or hit him, Sean’s anger evaporated as soon as Lan stepped into the room. He looked absolutely knackered, with his shirt torn at the neck and the beginnings of a black eye.

Clearing his throat, Sean walked towards him, “Shit! What happened to you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine. Just a bit battered.” He closed the distance between them and rested his forehead against Sean’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get to the pub; tonight went to hell and one of the guys was killed.”

“I know; I heard it on the news.” Sean made a sound that was part laugh and part sigh. “Truth be told, I’ve spent the night in a blind panic.”

“Oh, Sean.”

Tightening his arms Sean asked, “What happened?”

Lan shook his head, “You won’t believe it. It was a typical balls-up from start to finish.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

Lan shrugged. “To keep my cover alive, we’d arranged that I’d be picked up along with the others, but that I’d get separated from the rest when we got to the cells. The idea being that I’d make a quick report, but be out in enough time to meet you at the pub.”

“Okay.”

“The wooden top in charge of the cells obviously hadn’t got the memo, because he stuck me in the same cell as Giancarlo.”

“How long for?”

“Not sure. I guess only having a bucket to piss in made it seem a lot longer.”

Sean shook his head. “It was lucky there wasn't anyone already there who knew you.”

“Well that was how I got the black eye.”

“What?”

“We’d been banged up for maybe two hours when they threw this drunk in with us. I recognised him at once; I must have picked up five or six times for petty stuff when I was on the beat. He was out of his head with booze at first, but as he began to sober up I could tell that he was beginning to recognise me too. Just in case he remembered where he knew me from, I started an argument with him, accused him of staring at me and laid into the poor sod. I feel bad about it, but I was scared shitless that he'd say something and blow my cover. Giancarlo would’ve crippled me before the Muppet in charge had a clue anything was wrong. I got the black eye when the woodies waded into the cell to break up the fight.”

“Shit! You should make a complaint about that.” Sean’s laughter was tinged heavily with relief. “That's police brutality.”

“It’s okay; the custody sergeant is pissing himself that I’ll make a complaint.” He lifted his arms over his head and began to stretch. "Anyway, being in there was actually useful, because Giancarlo started running off at the mouth and I learned lots of really useful stuff that can be used in evidence. Once they’d hauled me out, I heard it was only Danny Phillips asking around that made someone realise that I was in the shit.”

“Ah. That would be my fault. Because I didn’t know what was happening, I phoned Danny and asked him to have a reccy for me.”

Lan looked at Sean. “Well, then I owe you one for making sure that I got out at all.”

“I think you owe me more than that,” Sean said seriously, “I was frantic with worry about you.” He pulled Lan into his arms. “I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“You won’t.” 

The kiss Lan gave him made Sean’s toes curl. 

“How about we go take a shower and then I try to make it up to you?”

Sean smiled, genuinely at last. “Okay but it’s going to take a lot of playing nice.”

“That’s okay; I’ve always been an over-achiever!”


End file.
